Theory
Most of our communication fall traps to the common aggressive and passive
communication. Aggressive communication is usually explosive, threatening, self
absorbed and attacking in nature. Passive communication is usually powerless
and filled with denial, shame and low self esteem.
Assertiveness refers to one’s ability to stand up with confidence for the rights of
oneself and that of others in a calm, composed and positive way, without an
intention of hurting others through one’s words or behaviour. In simple words,
assertive people stand for what they believe, ask for what they want and say “no”
to what they do not want. Assertive people have high levels of self esteem, which
does not generally get compromised through words and deeds.
Assertive communication refers to the art of communicating your beliefs, calmly
asking for what you want, and respectfully saying “no” to things which you do not
want or do not like. Assertive communication is open, honest and respectful.
Practicing assertive communication for a long term helps you get rid of fears,
anxiety, stress, dependability. Your communication is run by the value system you
uphold and hence it fosters more and better understandings and relationships.
Assertive people are empathetic and they have the ability to disagree respectfully
with others, at the same time maintaining good relationship with them. Even the
criticism appears in the form of constructive feedback. Assertiveness relates to an
understanding of the other person’s point of view, even while placing forth our
view points. Assertive communication helps win negotiations and resolve
conflicts.
Story
Neha was known in her office as the “yes” person.
Need someone to stay late? Ask Neha.
Need an extra hand on the project? Neha will manage.
Forgot your deadline? Neha will somehow fix it.
She smiled through it all — the missed lunches, the canceled weekends, the
growing fatigue. Her kindness was her strength, but slowly, it was also becoming
her chain.
One Monday morning, her colleague Arjun walked into her cubicle with his usual
grin. “Neha, could you finish my report today? I have to leave early for a family
dinner.”
Neha hesitated. She had her own mountain of work — and her little nephew’s
birthday that evening. But as always, she nodded. “Sure, I’ll try.”
As Arjun walked away, her friend Riya whispered, “You’ll never stop being
everyone’s favorite doormat, will you?”
That word — doormat — stung. It stayed with her all day.
At lunch, as she sat in the cafeteria, her sandwich untouched, she overheard two
colleagues talking. “You know, being nice is great,” one said, “but if you never
draw a line, people start painting over you.”
Neha smiled wryly. It was as if the universe was sending her a message — through
sandwiches and strangers.
That evening, when her boss came by with yet another “urgent” request, she took
a deep breath and said, “I can take this up tomorrow morning. Tonight, I’ve got
family plans.”
There was a pause. Her boss blinked, then said, “Alright, tomorrow it is.” And he
walked away.
Neha sat still for a moment, half shocked, half liberated. Nothing terrible had
happened. No one had shouted, no one had collapsed. The sky hadn’t fallen.
The next day, she politely told Arjun, “I won’t be able to finish your report today.
You’ll have to handle it.” He frowned, but she smiled calmly — not rude, not
apologetic, just clear.
By the end of the week, something had changed. Her stress levels dropped, her
laughter returned, and her colleagues — even Arjun — began treating her with a
new respect.
At the next team meeting, when asked how she managed to get more done lately,
she grinned and said,
“I stopped saying yes to things that made me say no to myself.”
Everyone laughed, but her words lingered long after.
Assertiveness is not about being loud — it’s about being clear.
It’s not about winning arguments — it’s about not losing yourself.
When we speak with honesty, grace, and confidence, we don’t push others away
— we simply make space for ourselves to stand.
Activity
Write any three strategies that can be practiced on a daily basis to become
assertive.
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Quote
“The best gifts are never given, but claimed.” ― Warren Ellis
Take Away
1. Assertiveness refers to one’s ability to stand up with confidence for the rights
of oneself and that of others in a calm, composed and positive way, without an
intention of hurting others through one’s words or behaviour
2. Practicing assertive communication for a long term helps you get rid of fears,
anxiety, stress, dependability.
3. Assertive communication helps win negotiations and resolve conflicts. It fosters
better relationship with others.